HAIKU

I'm not that lonely
but it's difficult to see
a less lonely screen

UNTITLED

If the scars in the sky were permanent
it might look more like me
punctuated with errant marks
from choices, actions, time

DING-DANGED GLAD

I'm not a girlfriend
I'm not a wife
I'm not a mother
I'm not on the PTA
and I don't do carpool

I am a daughter
I am a sister
I am an aunt
I am a great aunt
and I am a Great Aunt, too

I do camp outs
and tea parties
and crazy trips through the drive-thru
I do tattoo sessions
and hikes
and tequila shots

"And I'm a ding-danged glad of it!"

SOMEONE YOU KNOW

Somewhere
someone you know
is lonely

Somewhere
someone you know
is struggling with self-doubt

Somewhere
someone you know
can barely get themselves out of bed

Or perhaps
they are widowed
and most of their friends and siblings are dead
so they are hitting the bottle a little too often
or they've lost their license and their hearing and their eyesight
and the ability to do so many of the things that made them feel alive

So what are you gonna do about it?

THIS IS WHERE THE REAL DYING BEGINS, PARTS I & II

THIS IS WHERE THE REAL DYING BEGINS, PART I

September 26, 2008

After being alone
and single
for ten years
I thought I had done
all the dying
that I had to do

instead it seems

I was just holding my breath

THIS IS WHERE THE REAL DYING BEGINS, PART II

December 14, 2008

seven years ago
God told me that I was a pear tree
that was half dead and half alive

"Having a form of godliness but denying its power..."

one side, green and laden
the other, black and fruitless

years later
the tree was cut down
and I wondered

"What does this mean?"

surely God wouldn't cut me down
like the Giving Tree

except this year
He did

STEALING BEAUTY

When I think about that time in my life
it really does feel like a theft
a getaway that came too easily

But the easy getaway followed a close call
that in the long run was a blessing
but at the time felt like a hit and run

I didn't scrawl my poetry on scraps of paper
and burn them in candle flame or hide them a book
but when it flickered across the screen
it was like looking in a mirror
I had discovered myself
while still having so much left to seek

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

LUCKY THEM; LUCKY ME

I threw out all your letters after I met him
but I threw out all of his letters
even before I had others to replace them

I threw out a napkin
scrawled with "I love you madly, Cari"
even before the sentiment was no longer true

I relinquished ownership of a favorite CD
and walked out on all of my remaining belongings

I deleted text messages
and gave away gifts
to set myself free
to forget

So now I don't have
a box with his name on it
or his
or even yours

And it feels so good

"OH, THAT WAS SO REAL..."

When I look at the lithe bodies
in my life or on my screen
I remember what I had
and how blind I was to it

Now I sit with the memories of hope
and dirty streets
while the snow drips

Did I really have my whole life ahead of me
or was that an illusion brought on by the balance of years?

Perhaps I still do
but I just can't see what comes next
or how it ends

Maybe it ends better than it began
and the ultimate achievement is at the eleventh hour

It's so easy to picture yourself in a movie
when you are young and have lots of reel left