NARCISSIST

I'm a planet

I'm only reflecting the sun
as I am supposed to do

I am only doing exactly
what I'm supposed to do

It's not interesting
It's not miraculous
It's not curious
It is textbook

I'm doing exactly what I am supposed to do

PANDORA

I opened Pandora's box
and asked her to play a Spin Doctors station
it seemed like a 1990s revue

Goo Goo Dolls
Blues Traveler
Third Eye Blind
Blind Melon

and yet
it was fun to relive those days
days in love
days of freedom

as I cooked pasta in my kitchen
and ate it perched on the kitchen counter

SEX WITH AN EX

When you have sex with an ex in your dream

But you never had sex with that ex

No, not that one

I DESERVE THIS

It's not much

I deserve this

It is enough

I deserve this

YOU SAY

You're the leading lady,
but nobody else knows
except for the camera.

Other characters spurn you
for being the unmarried underdog.

She needs to get laid, they say.

She needs a boyfriend.

She should be dating more, others say.

But they are on the outside looking in,
and they don't even have
as much insight
as the camera.

YOU ARE THERE

I was wearing my dark grey, ribbed, mock turtleneck
and my sleeveless, houndstooth, button-up dress
because I wanted to look special for your visit

I showed you my dorm room
and then we sat in the lounge
and Mom snapped a picture
with my head on your shoulder

You had come to see me because I had been suffering acutely
and you wanted me to know that you were there to support me

When I think back to the moments of solidarity
I shared with my father before he died
I realize he is "there" in all future moments of suffering

And then I think about the moments of jubilation
like when I wept while reading my "Why My Choice is Life" essay
at the Birthright convention

He wept too

so that means even though you were gone by the time
I adapted, produced, and directed my first play
and gave away my kidney

You were still there

And that is such a comfort

AN EDUCATION

That week I slept on the sofa bed
I was too brokenhearted and miserable to sleep in my own room
Dark and devoid of the distraction afforded by television

While I realize now that the tears I shed were wholly wasted
on a man undeserving of my grief
at the time, I sobbed in anguish so loudly
that your fears of being useless
were flooded by the need to do something to comfort me

When you sat on the edge of the pull-out bed,
     I asked you
Dad, should I marry him?
     If he loves you
was your reply

Not if you love him
but IF HE LOVES YOU

And then you made me a cup of tea